Conflicting emotions

I guess it would be arbitrary to wish everyone a happy New Year because
a) no1curr
b) I'm a whole month too late

That brings me nicely to my second point, OMG OMG OMG AAAAAAAAAAAH WE'RE ALREADY A GOOD MONTH IN TO 2012!!!!
How is that even possible?

This actually means that I'm sooo close to going to Uni now and this whole last stretch business is beyond draining. I don't care what anyone says, A-levels are damn hard and they certainly aren't getting any easier. I know I've said this before and it won't be the last time either but teens my age are put under way too much pressure.
What kind of a twisted oxymoron is it that this is the time of our lives where we're supposed to be the most care-free yet we're told everyday that whatever we do now will dictate our entire lives? SERIOUSLY.

I hang around some immensely intelligent people and I have never seen any of them so unhappy all because of school. Not only have we all lost our social lives to this, we're all just feeling a tad lost and this is in a private school, it's crazy!


The problem with me is that I'm consistently lazy and am actually a month behind in all my work...and I'm supposed to be an A student...LOL
I keep fluctuating between OMG MY LIFE IS ENDING UGBDIKGBXDFHKJBF HKJVB and deliriously placid. I just don't care anymore! Or do I? IDEK!!
Eeeeeeh, it's too tiring to stay in this state for any longer. I just want to eat and sleep.

Long story short:Bla bla bla, First world teenage problems. Sympathise with my creys.



I was chilling on my bunkbed with my laptop before sleeping as I always do when some HUGE spider descended right in front of my face like:



This is the second night in a row too. I got rid of the one from last night though!
I'm not really scurred of spiders but the prospect of them crawling on me whilst I'm asleep is just unappealing and knowing me, I'd probably end up sleep eating them or something. GROSS

So much for my Summer

They said it was going to rain for something like a month straight but we've only had 2 weeks of sunshine! Both of those weeks I spent shut up in the house finally catching up with all the kpop happenings. FML

I finally got a job, YAY. The only problem is that it's as boring as hell. I know I should be grateful which I am but I'm shut up in a windowless room doing the most repetitive tasks.
I'm at my mum's biomedical engineering office working on 219 units at a time, basically tinkering about and making sure they work. I can assure you, its a lot more mind numbing than it sounds and when I come back from my 2 weeks off, I'll have over 1000 units waiting for me! :'(

I wouldn't mind so much if all my friends weren't rich and globe trotting right now especially since I'm still broke even with this extra cash.

Also, my school set me with heaps of endless assignments to do over the holidays which I haven't even begun yet, I have at least 9 books I need to read and I actually have to decide what I want to do with my life before I get back.

I've spent the whole week not sleeping either even though I have to wake up super early for work and I'm there 8.30 till 5pm.


Ok, here ends my rant. I'm actually going to bed 'early' today


A bit of irrelevance

So today it was 30°c outside the whole day which made it the hottest day of the year. Anyone who lives in England will know how much of a blessing that is tbh.
Almost everyone that I've encountered today has complained about the heat though, it seems like I'm the only one anticipating Summer in it's full swing.

This is gonna sound over sentimental or perhaps even just plain silly but I really find the Summer time nostalgic. I live in the Countryside so there's nothing I love more than to drive, cycle or walk down some secluded lane and just enjoy the moment.
It may sound cliché but I really do find a lot of pleasure in staring at 'insignificant' things such as a tree with hints of sunlight poking through or a bird hopping across the grass. It's those moments of calm that really affect me.

I know I sound like a wannabe Romantic but I think there's something about the sun and the distant jingle of an ice cream van that takes me back to the days where I was young and care free. I think of times where a summer day would feel like an eternity, the hardest choice I had to make was over the flavour of my next ice cream, hide and seek was the best game ever invented and my energy levels were infinite.

I wish I could lie on the grass and stare at the clouds forever.

My mum and I are also watching the Glastonbury festival and Coldplay where amazing as usual. I love festivals so much!
I would die if we ever got a k-pop one, lol

I just wanted to include this flawless human being in my post because he makes everything look better. It's got to be my favourite picture of him, how can one person look so amazing?


Prepare for some full fledged flailing. On second thought, don't waste your time.
I am super pumped for Shinee's abbey road event and even though I probably won't even get in, it's still super exciting!
Over 900 people are going to be there with signs etc just to show Shinee just how loved they are and I'm gonna be a part of that. I CAN'T WAIT!!
Ok so, I need to:

-Make some sort of a sign
-Choose an outfit. I never bother about my clothes but this is an exception
-Find a friend to drag along

When some girl on my facebook told everyone she won some tickets, I was legit like:

But it's all good, I still get to see them in the flesh and this sums up how I feel:

Never has a song spoken to me so much tbh.
Sorry for the nonsense I just spouted. I'll make sure my journal won't be filled entirely with my incessant trivialities.
K-pop has made me lose my freaking mind

To anyone that made it through this hot mess, a gif for your time:

This is a joke

It's freaking 8.40am, I went to bed at 1am, I've been up since 5am and I need to get to school before 12.
The only problem is my graphics teacher gave me 'final touches' to add for my final project and they're taking FOREVER. Seriously, my deadline was like a month ago and I'm still adding things.


I know I need pressure to work hard, but this is beyond anything I've ever done. I can't even find words to express my frustration with my lazy self.
Ugh and, I've got a long long walk to the train station too. How am I gonna submit work then go for an open day at this university in time??!?!?!
And as usual, I haven't revised for my last exam

Someone punch me please.

The final push

This is it guys!
It's my last week of school (yay!) and I have 3 more exams to go till freedom.

Why then am I on lj at 22:15 the night before my HUGE english exam in the morning? Why do I keep neglecting revision? WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?

I've always been one of those annoying people that does enough to get by, I'm a geek in one sense because I work hard but at the same time, I'm so damn lazy. It's never been a big deal because I still maintain A-grades but I can't help but feel that A-levels are different.

One minute, I'm chill/confident and the next, I'm panicked. I always promise myself to get off the roller-coaster but it's a vicious cycle. I work hard to relax only to have to work even harder again. IT NEEDS TO END!

I've never been this tired in my life.

People always tell me to do my best so I can have no regrets no matter what happens but I cba!!

At the same time, I've been privileged enough to get into private education after years of state schooling. The standard is amazing, I've never seen anything like it before. I may complain about 12hr+ days/commuting and annoying people but it's such a wonderful opportunity that people from my background are rarely offered. I don't want to waste that....

Ah well, let me end my rant here.
Since summer is so close, I know I'll be paying a lot more attention to my journal.
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    Fiction (Orchestra version) - B2ST

The deep sigh of relief

I had a couple of exams in January (incidentally on my birthday)and spent the lead-up to results day carrying on as per usual with the prospects looming at the back of my mind.

I can't believe the build up is over already. Actually, I'm glad waiting for A-level grades doesn't take too long. I'm so used to waiting for an unnecessarily extensive amount of time for an overrated set of grades that seem to determine the 'rest of my life' and I find the process to be inconsequential...

My teacher entered me for 2 drama exams in January despite the fact that I had not finished the course purely for 'the experience'. He wasn't expecting any of us to do well however, we could easily enter in June which is why he reasoned that it would serve as 'good preparation.'

Long story short, I got an A in Drama as well as in my English coursework. What's more is that I was the only person in my class to do so! I almost got full marks in both which is quite aggravating because I was so close.

Ultimately, it made for a good end to my week. I just can't wait to get all my exams out of the way to be honest!